T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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