Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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