Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
