So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
