There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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