I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm just crazy horny about you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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