My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
