If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
