we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i out mim tonsoeep
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