I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
this is an emotional support booty call
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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