no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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