There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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