I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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