Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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