There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
