im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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