A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
