He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
