JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
