its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
