not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
