he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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