And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
