Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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