So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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