Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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