You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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