he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize