I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
