I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Couch. On fire.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
