Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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