I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
