Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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