what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
