i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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