i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
