I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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