"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
