I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
