VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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