A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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