Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
