there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
