Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
