I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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