I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
