You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
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you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you told grandpa to call you daddy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize