The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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