you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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