hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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