You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
