I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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