everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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