why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize