So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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