Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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