census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
