I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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