Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
