She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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