so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
pray to the hookup gods
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
