spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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