WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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