In the future we'll all be gay
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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