i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
