i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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